I wouldn't call him a "low-vibration spouse." I would call him an abusive spouse.
He's not going to change because you tell him to, no more than you would change just because someone tells you to. But you can take 100% responsibility for the situation and protect your well-being and that of your children. You can distinguish the price he is exacting on you and your boys, and out of that, distinguish how much of that you're willing to pay in exchange for your husband's "wonderful person-ness." Your husband is the way he is because people have trained him to believe they will tolerate it. Your children are learning from you that it's okay to accept abuse if it comes from someone you love. Imagine what their relationships are going to be like! If I were you, I would let go of tolerance, since it is not serving your well-being or that of your boys. Tell your husband what the consequences of this abusive behavior are (whatever you determine they are -- up to and including leaving him.)
Then abide by the standards you set for yourself, and for your children.  |