Hugs to you and kudos for working so hard on yourself.
Do you really have to tell him to stop?
Maybe expressing your feelings in those situations would help.
"Darling, I feel hurt/bothered/shocked/upset/frightened when you call people pieces of ****.
Have you asked him not to insult people in your or your children's presence?
That sounds like a request worthy of honoring out of love, doesn't it?
If he doesn't feel so, are you sure you want to hang around him when he is misbehaving? Perhaps you need to communicate your boundaries as well à la this formula:
- when these circumstances occur, these are the consequences -
When there is insulting of other human beings going on, I leave the room.
When the children or I are frightened in the face of booming or screaming, we will go somewhere we feel safe.
I think stating your position clearly and being consistent (just like with kids) is important.
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I love to grow. |