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sheffy4 · 02-22-2008, 02:33 AM

I love Woody Allen quotes. Mostly they just make me laugh, but the first one I list is one that's actually helped me in life.

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."

"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on."

"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland."

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank."

"If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job."

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying."

"If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever."

"Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends."

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

"It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off."

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet."

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."

"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?"

"Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."

02-22-2008, 02:33 AM	#72 (permalink)
sheffy4 Senior Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Posts: 337	Woody Allen I love Woody Allen quotes. Mostly they just make me laugh, but the first one I list is one that's actually helped me in life. "Eighty percent of success is showing up." "As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." "I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." "If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank." "If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job." "I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying." "If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever." "Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends." "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down." "I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me." "It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off." "What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." "I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." "What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?" "Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies."