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Originally Posted by konmai  Hey guys. I'm not sure where to begin, but here goes. I was always a strong academic student all throughout my life. I got mostly A's, but now here's the kicker. I also thought I also kind of just 'got by' or 'got lucky' getting those grades. I do best on exams esp. on essay exams for some reason.
I was my HS's Natl. Honor Society President. During my freshman college year, I got all A's & 1 B. After that, I dropped out of that college (my parents got separated. It was a long time coming), & I switched to a community college back home. My grades were OK... about a 3.0. But then I'd work really hard & have all A's for my interim report, but at the end of semester, my grades would drop to a C. I started losing my momentum. Eventually, I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't even get up to go to school every morning without an extreme sadness about it. I'd sleep a lot & watch movies to smother the feelings. I dropped out my senior year. I haven't done anything for 3-4 years now. It sucks when I was able to go to school and work everyday. My parents don't even know. I feel embarassed & just hopeless. I'm also about 20K in debt.
It doesn't just end with school. I used to get hit on a lot. Now I've just let myself go. Although I still get hit on, I'm not happy with what I did to my body.
A part of me feels like I put a lot of energy in my family life, when I shouldn't have put my energy. My actions correlated with how my family life was doing. When it got bad my college freshman year and downhill from there, I couldn't handle it. I know everyone has problems & no one has a perfect family. But I couldn't handle it & pretty much threw my life away. It was an obstacle, & I fell really bad. Sometimes I attempt to pick myself back up, & I haven't been able to pick myself up completely on this one.
My only feel good is that I volunteer.
I don't what to do. Where to start to improve myself.
Thanks guys for hearing me out. |
This describes me so so much as well, went thru college early, had a full scholarship, etc but felt empty and tired except when volunteering. The solution wasn't any one thing for me, it was sort of a lot of things together- I quit the scholarship because it added extra requirements to my life, I gave myself permission to just do good-enough in classes and instead to focus more on volunteering and on just getting outdoors walking a lot and exploring new places, I tried to spend more time with my family, I made extra effort to exercise, eat well, take vitamins, I didn't let myself waste too much time- if I was wasting time out of tiredness I would go take a nap or if I was feeling anxious I would go exercise, and I just sort of pushed myself through to graduate. Then I had a few months of basically doing nothing but a part-time job and not even looking for work- I found out I had mono which was probably part of the problem, and I eventually regained energy and motivation to go find a real job and move on with my life. Don't feel like a failure- these sort of moments are probably more valuable than the happy ones- you're figuring out what is important to you, what will really make you happy, and eventually you'll come out of this and be motivated to do something more purposeful with your life than most people who don't let themselves go through the unhappiness.