That option about to take pills or the knife of coarse is something that can be viewed as murder (self murder). So then you wouldn't want to commit murder, right?
It's too bad you are in a funk. It almost sounds like you are surrendering to all the external hoop-la. Something is making you look inside for meaning while the outside doesn't seem to have the same meaning as it used to.
I would say read "Dark Nights of the Soul" by Thomas Moore.
Amazon.com: Dark Nights of the Soul: Books: Thomas Moore (don't know it that link works, but google for the book will work) Helped me understand a deep funk I had. The ideas are to embrace whatever this is in such a way that brings you through it with purpose and creativity, instead of avoiding it or going into denial or thinking it's something really bad to "get rid off". Kind of ironic, but sometimes loosing a sense of purpose is exactly what refocuses your purpose.