Imagine that 4 years being 10 years instead and you've just described my life perfectly.
The only thing that got me past where I was stuck was the sudden realisation that right now is right now, and no amount of belief or wishing could change the past. Worst still was that while I wanted to go back and change the past, that was keeping me stuck where I was, doing nothing and being noone. I even went back to college twice more, just to fail at 2 other Majors.
The steps I took were to accept my current life style: A dropout loser on welfare, then I projected what that would be like in 20 years, a 45 year old drop out loser on welfare and accepted that too. When I fully understood and realised my situation as it currently was, it opened up an opportunity. The opportunity was to, right now in the moment, direct my life towards where I wanted it to be. I saw that strangly enough it's not the big life changing events that turn my life into what it is, it's the small unnoticible ones between the gaps, and it's the ones in the gaps at each moment that I could improve.
In regards to my past, if I could have done something to change the outcome I would have, but given my mindset and circumstances, it would never have worked out. If it could have it would have. There's a kind of peace to this surrender to the past that leaves you witht he freedom to refocus your energy on the present in order to direct your life properly. From here it's doing the little steps from moment to moment. Incremental changes as well as the big leaps work together in order to improve yourself and your life bit by bit.
The result? I applied for and succeeded in getting a well payed full time job, and now I'm looking at moving into the career that I would have had I graduated, Computer Programming. I'm slowly losing all the weight I gained in college, and I'm even building up confidence and organisation skills that I didn't have at all ever before now. I believe that the past that you have live through only affects your future as much as you let it. The access to your power is always in the present anyways.  |