[konmai]

Hey guys. I'm not sure where to begin, but here goes. I was always a strong academic student all throughout my life. I got mostly A's, but now here's the kicker. I also thought I also kind of just 'got by' or 'got lucky' getting those grades. I do best on exams esp. on essay exams for some reason.

I was my HS's Natl. Honor Society President. During my freshman college year, I got all A's & 1 B. After that, I dropped out of that college (my parents got separated. It was a long time coming), & I switched to a community college back home. My grades were OK... about a 3.0. But then I'd work really hard & have all A's for my interim report, but at the end of semester, my grades would drop to a C. I started losing my momentum. Eventually, I felt like I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't even get up to go to school every morning without an extreme sadness about it. I'd sleep a lot & watch movies to smother the feelings. I dropped out my senior year. I haven't done anything for 3-4 years now. It sucks when I was able to go to school and work everyday. My parents don't even know. I feel embarassed & just hopeless. I'm also about 20K in debt.

It doesn't just end with school. I used to get hit on a lot. Now I've just let myself go. Although I still get hit on, I'm not happy with what I did to my body.

A part of me feels like I put a lot of energy in my family life, when I shouldn't have put my energy. My actions correlated with how my family life was doing. When it got bad my college freshman year and downhill from there, I couldn't handle it. I know everyone has problems & no one has a perfect family. But I couldn't handle it & pretty much threw my life away. It was an obstacle, & I fell really bad. Sometimes I attempt to pick myself back up, & I haven't been able to pick myself up completely on this one.

My only feel good is that I volunteer.

I don't what to do. Where to start to improve myself.

Thanks guys for hearing me out.