[The Cloud]

The way it sounds, this mood is a relatively recent occurrence. Is there anything that has happened to trigger it? Did you just wake up one day and realize that you hate your life, or did something happen? If it was the former, then what do you think it is about your life that is the most problematic?

I could be way off here, but the way it sounds you've realized that you're living a life that you never wanted, and you just can't stand the hypocrisy anymore. Again, I'm just guessing, but I suspect that you want to do something totally different with your life and that you started doing the things that your life is currently composed of because of coercion of some sort, whether from your parents or society or friends or whatever.

Whatever the reason, just remember that the current course of your life is not set in stone. There is nothing stopping you from dropping what you're doing and totally changing direction other than your acceptance of what you are doing as a fact of life. You may be thinking of what you're doing as completely necessary and unable to be changed, so you'd rather die than continue living like this. You aren't powerless, and you can change things. Just keep that in mind.