Michelle, I have also been doing a lot of internal work over the last several months. For me, the huge shift came in November, and I had expected that I'd spend several weeks adjusting, learning who I am now that I had taken charge of my life in a new way. I thought I'd arrive at the end of the holiday season happier than I had been, and when I got into January and I didn't feel dramatically better, I felt puzzled by how little my overall mood had improved.
A few weeks ago, when talking to someone I trust, I described some of the changes I've been making: choosing thoughts and actions that empower me, removing a couple of negative people from my life, and rediscovering what I want. He felt ecstatic at my progress. Somewhat confused, I asked: If I'm making such great progress, if I'm going through all these important changes, how come I'm not happier? His response was this: The happiness is there; you're just not letting yourself experience it. He suggested I work on believing that I deserve to feel happy. Simply understanding that I need to believe I deserve happiness and trusting that it's there has made a big difference already.
Now when I catch myself feeling down, I look inside and ask myself why. Sometimes there's something I want to do that I'm not allowing myself to consider doing, so I choose to do that thing. Sometimes I get an image of myself as a little girl, sobbing. I imagine my adult self lovingly giving her a hug, asking what's wrong. Sometimes all she needs is acknowledgment and comfort. When I get an answer that requires action, I take action or make plans to do so. Then I visualize handing her over to beings of love and brilliant light for healing.
Perhaps something similar could work for you? When you feel the negativity, ask it why it's there. Once you've learned what you need from it, hand it over to beings of love and light for healing.
|