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Originally Posted by Chado2423  Even after all of this arguing about competence vs. confidence... you can't realistically "act as if" you have money... "act as if" you are competent when you aren't... "act as if" you have confidence when you don't. |
I know your problem. You got dumped by your girlfriend and you went into pieces.
While that is a very understandable reaction, it is NOT the only possible reaction. Millions of mens have been dumped by their wives / girlfriends in the history of mankind, and the reactions come in a wide variety.
Some think, "Oh, this is so sad that I'll kill myself" and they do.
Some immediately plot to stalk their girlfriend and scratch her car.
Some say, "Good riddance to bad rubbish" and move on.
Some say, "That ♥♥♥♥♥" and fume in anger for the next three years of their lives.
Some grieve and cry for a month, or two months, and then get on with life.
Some suddenly decide that they prefer to have sex with men instead.
Some grieve and cry, until the next new pretty skirt comes along, then they excitedly chase after the next new pretty skirt.
Some become priests.
Some resolve to swear off serious relationships, and pursue one-night stands instead.
Some philosophically say, "Well, it's sad that our love didn't last, but better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."
Etc etc.
And most of these millions of men have never heard of "acting as if". Yet they have all chosen their own specific reactions, although there isn't necessarily a lot of consciousness in that choice.
Now, what is the "act as if" principle really all about? It is really about the ability or capacity to choose your own mental attitude. Stephen Covey doesn't refer to it as "act as if". Instead he uses the stimulus-response explanation.
His explanation goes like this. If you shine a light at an earthworm, it curls up and tries to escape. The light is the stimulus. The attempt to escape is the response. An earthworm, exposed to this kind of stimulus, will always respond in this way.
But human beings are not earthworms. For us, between the stimulus and the response, there is a gap. This is the gap which we can work on and expand. This is the gap which allows us to
choose our response.
This is the underlying principle of the "act as if" approach. You are in a certain situation, X. Your automatic reaction is to respond in a certain way, to act in a certain way, Y.
But there is an ability in you to choose your own response. You can choose to act in other ways. That is, you can "act as if ___[
insert desired mode of behaviour".
Obviously there are limits as to "act as if". For example, if you are really an utter snivelling coward, you may not be able to act as if you were a great big hero. However, you could probably succeed in acting as less of an utter snivelling coward.
There is a very key point I want to emphasise here.
Every day, people are already behaving according to their own preprogrammed scripts. They are already
acting. They are acting according to their unconscious patterns, created by their past conditioning, behaviour, experiences etc, tracing back to the day they were born.
The question is whether you're content to accept the scripts which you've mindlessly, unconsciously or subconsciously picked up through the years. Or whether you want to consciously choose the best scripts for yourself, that you can.
Even personality is a script.