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Originally Posted by Tim Brownson  That is so wrong I almost don't even know where to begin.
That is diametrically apposed to the thinking of almost every successful person on the planet. It also risks damaging peoples self-esteem if they follow that advice.
Nick, go and read biographies on Donnie Deutch, Richard Branson, Winston Churchill, Daley Thompson (worlds greatest ever decathlete), Michael Jordon, Deion Sanders, Gary Player, Lee Iacocca and dozens of others. Almost all of them had confidence that waaaaaaay exceeded their ability at some stage or other. Confidence equals belief in yourself. |
Tom,
It's fine that you disagree with me although I contest the issue that what I say is wrong. For me there is a very simple cause and effect relationship at work here. If you have the competence to fulfill a desire consistently then you end up having confidence in yourself to fulfill the desire. The two things are inseparable. To magic up a lot of confidence from nothing is delusional and far more damaging. I know because for more years than I care to remember I was a victim of such delusional thinking. Through facing and accepting my limitations I found my real strengths and by depending upon my real strengths and developing them I now achieve robust progress in life. My life is so much better and on so many levels from doing this. The days of depending upon flakey "You can do anything, if you just believe in yourself" delusions are over for me.
Beliefs are imaginary facts. Holding a belief doesn't prove the fact. Beliefs have a delusional underpinning and often promote fantasizing, overreach and usually disappointment and despair (certainly in my case). Of course, if you are one of the rare people who fulfills the desire then, arguably, you justify the belief. That still doesn't mean that the belief was responsible for delivering the result. Real word abilities deliver results, not hope. If you want to read something else that you will be diametrically opposed to then read this article
Turn Beliefs Into Theories.
I work as an engineer and I now attempt to solve the problems of the mind and of getting things done from a scientific and engineering standpoint. That means using the scientific method and testing theories. More than that though, the aim of science is to come up with answers to problems that can give predictable and repeatable results. I seek to discover the true cause and effect of problems and the mechanisms that underpin them. I'm making good progress and I have come up with insights that give robust and reliable mechanisms that people can depend upon time and time again to get the results that they want. The article
Guaranteed: Self-Confidence is based upon such insight. It doesn't delude people.
I think that in your examples I would substitute 'courage in the face of uncertainty' to explain such rare successes rather than confidence. Sometimes courage is the only thing that can sustain us in perilous or uncertain circumstances. Confidence alone cannot guarantee the result.
Sadly, you have made the woefully common mistake of rounding up a few exceptional cases to hold up as proof of a theory. Science doesn't work that way. You have to assess and analyze the failures as much as you do for the successes in order to work out the correct causal links (and that's something that is almost unheard of in the field of personal development). Do you think that Adolf Hitler had any less confidence than Winston Churchill? As a megalomaniac he probably had more confidence. How many of Daley Thompson's adversaries lacked in confidence? Can you prove that Daley had more confidence than any one of the other competitors? If you could prove that Daley Thompson was physically disadvantaged in any event and yet won because he had more confidence then you might have some proof. How would you explain the failure of his competitors? Would you say that they lacked confidence, lacked belief or lacked ability on the day to outperform Daley? You can't prove a lack of confidence or belief but you can easily prove a lack of ability. The people who win and succeed do so because they have the competence to deliver the results. Confidence is important but it will never be enough on its own.
In terms of reading recommendations you should read Fooled By Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. This fascinating book shows how we are easily fooled by spurious but exceptional results.
The only person whose self-esteem could be damaged from accepting the truth that confidence is a direct result of levels of competence is someone who deludes his or herself about abilities that they don't in reality have (and a large dose of the truth about my own self-deception was the most cathartic thing that ever happened to me). Such a person will fail at any endeavor that they attempt and for which they don't have the ability to fulfill, until they develop the competence to achieve the result. That's just simple logic. It's not popular to hear but if you can logically disprove it I'm all ears. I simply say that instead of depending upon hope, depend instead upon robust abilities and focus on improving them. That's at the heart of my philosophy and it's the only dependable way to deliver better results in life.
I will never expect you to agree with my viewpoints because you depend so heavily upon the belief mechanism to get results for you and for your clients. What I promote probably comes across as heresy for someone like you. The great advances in problem solving have come from people who seek the cause and effect of problems, accept the reality of those conclusions and then make use of them. Engineers can make things work with huge measures of predictability and reliability from using proven theories of cause and effect. This is the kind of thinking and methodology that sends rockets into space, keeps airplanes flying and makes your car start and stop whenever you want it to. It doesn't depend upon superstitious belief systems. If you want a real solution to your problems then ask an engineer. If you want hope then ask a priest. Now then, would you rather fly in a plane designed, built and tested by engineers or by priests?
If we can agree on measurable ways to prove better feeling, better ability and better overall performance then I'd be happy to demonstrate the effectiveness of my methods compared to yours with one of your clients.
Yours sincerely,
Nick