Sorry to hear it. I don't think this is too healthy. I know what it's like to idolize someone and want them more than anything. I didn't get it, and along the way I too had several signs and things happening that convinced me it was going to happen. My attachment to the outcome was so strong that I pushed it away.
Seems like what you're going through is looking for something to give you meaning. It's not in another person. It's in you. You may be more satisfied attracting a relationship with a person who is well suited to you. But you don't know if you've met that person until you get to know them. Start filling yourself from within so you don't feel the need to be filled from without.
Anyway, me "losing" the person I wanted so bad started a whole chain of events and now I am in such a better place becasue I accepted that I was seeking happiness from outside. I decided to seek it from within. It's working. It's changed my whole life, I do everything differently now. For me, it was a huge wake-up call and I see how what happened was almost necessary for me to get to the point I'm at today. Perhaps this is one of those pivotol moments that will force you to get in touch with yourself and learn to meet your own needs. No one else can do that for you.
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