 Don't be too hard on yourself
It's tough--I know, you can't honestly be happy if you need something to be turned around 180 degrees. Or, I should rephrase that--it's VERY hard. The best I can say is work at it every day, and try to find a glimmer here and there. Eventually, those glimmers will manifest something to make your life one step better, until you can more plausibly "act as if..." That's helped me.
The other thing, though, is to not disregard your feelings. They are just feelings, and they can be overridden, but they need to speak. I found help with the Sedona Method on these types of things--it allows you to define the emotion, welcome it, feel it, and then let it go. If you're grieving, you need to give yourself time. Not too much--but the more you resist feeling badly, the more it will haunt you.
Hope that helps.
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