but when I say Freedom I mean 'free to do what I want, when I want'.. I resist any attempt to control my freedom. Many people would define this as selfishness
How about defining it as immaturity?
Hold up before skinning me. You believe this is wrong or it wouldn't be in question, yet you resist letting go of it--not lived long enough yet. We all know, despite everything we read and desperately hope for, that sometimes we just got to do it. Some of us can plod through it, others get 'er done and out of the way, and others resist with every fiber of our beings.
Realize there are things in our lives that we simply must do, learn to do them without resentment. Do the things you like, love to do, without guilt. What someone else does is of little importance, if they enjoy being a martyr more power to them, you don't have to. you are not your mom, or your dad, or me either. Be you.
"I want to be with someone, but as soon as things get too close..I want my freedom..as soon as I have my freedom..I want Love..etc."
Love is freedom. If you are feeling caged it's probably not love. A partner frees you and you free them. You balance each other. They are not your jailor or your boss. You are filled with joy at the sight of them. If you're hit with a wave of dread, run to the nearest exit. You're lonely, understandable, get a dog, or a cat. Figure out the difference between I don't want to be alone and I want to be with this person.
'Also, with Financial success..I become very driven to be successful but then yearn for the freedom to do what I want instead of working so darn hard!! "
There is something to be said for doing a job that inspires you. I can think of a few jobs that would pay a lot of money. Some I can discard right away, way over my head. Others I'm really not interested in. I'm left with 'this could turn into something and i like it'. That's what I would go for.
When you choose a career don't look at it from a $ view point. What do you like to do? What can you do? I can aspire to be a famous painter, unfortunately I can't paint to save my life. I could learn, but by the time I put all the theory into practice that's all that would be left, the heart would be wrung right out of it.
You know yourself and what you can stick with, you can likely make a good living at just about anything if you are willing to put in the time and effort. Choose something that appeals to you.
Changing yourself would seem like a major overhaul, way too big to even think of tackling. Changing your mindset is minor. You want to change because of what?? That's the question you want to answer and answer it for yourself. What Joe has done or will do is of little importance, why he's done it is even less important to you, you would likely be shocked or disappointed anyway. You're concerned with you, if you're changing because of you you'll make it. If you're changing 'cause joeneighbour thinks you should you're doomed to failure.
Take care of yourself first, then save the guy beside you. That's not selfishness, that's maturity.