[Christian223]

Hi im new around here, english is not my main language, sorry for the mistakes ill commit.

So, the thing is, im introvert now, and i want to change it because im too lonely, and i have come to the conlcution that its not a healthy or good thing anymore, im 23, and from my 12 years old or something i have been introvert, before that i was extrovert (i blame the emotional abuse from my father), so, i have been reading the articles from Steve Pavlina and they are nice, but i would like a little more help on my specific problem.

I tried beign more extrovert on the last years of highschool, i got some friends, but after some time i got bored, tired, and i begun beign introverted again, until now, its just so tiring, i have to give so much of myself, and i also feel i dont recieve enough, since then, everytime i try to talk to people i think to myself something like "you are getting into trouble, get away from them!, beign alone is more confortable!, you dont need them!", but its like an automatic thing, i autoamtically change my mind and dont say much just the nesesary "yes" or "no" or whatever they are asking, but i know this is no good anymore, but i tried to overcome it and, i just get this self-defence mechanism that makes me run away from people and also get people away from me, i behave in a way that makes people dont get near me...

Also, i try to have eye contact but its just too hard for me, when i try, i cant put me eyes where i want, the other person notices this, and also gets nervous, and that gets me even more nervous, so i look away, if i try again the same thing happens, how to overcome this?, also, i cant fake a smile, i mean, if i smile people can see its fake, i just get too nervous when confronting people, and i cant think clearly either my minds gets blank the only thing i can think of is getting away from that person, my face muscles get tense.

For some reason, im embarased to talk about myself, i think something like "people arent interested in my, whatever i have to say has no value", actually, im just thinking about this right now, and its very hard to admit... i dont consider that i have low selfsteem, i respect myself, but for some reason i allways think like that when im with other people... i need to overcome this and i need to know how.

Its like i want to overcome it, but at the same time my mind doesnt, quite a dilemma. So, if you can help me with anything ill appreciate it, thanks in advance.