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Originally Posted by ralphb  Is it your opinion that one should have NO emotional response to anything whatsoever ones partner says/does? |
No, this is not my opinion. Personally, I would find it extremely boring to have a partner who has zero emotional response to what I say or do
Taking responsibility, in my eyes, means that I'm aware of the fact that I am the one creating my feelings and choosing my response to any situation.
To me it looks like you think you have no choice about the nature of your emotional response. Which means that you have to react in a certain way to a given situation, like feeling hurt when she's mean to you for example. That's what I don't agree with. I think that you're free to choose your response. And the choice is not only between feeling hurt or feeling nothing!
What determines your response is the thoughts you're having about the situation, not the situation itself. If it were the situation itself that forces you to feel in a certain way, we would all react the same way when in the same situation. But we don't. We react differently because we think differently about the situation.
By deliberately changing your thoughts about a situation, you have the power to change how you feel, thus how you react. You're free to choose your response. Try it, you'll see, it works
Once you're aware of that, you're aware of your own power and you know that it's not this situation or this person that makes you feel this way, it's yourself. Knowing that is what I for myself call taking 100% responsibility.
Doesn't mean that you'll always succeed in feeling like you want to feel (I wish I had already reached that point...
), but being aware of the fact that you and you alone create your own feelings takes the power away from the outside and gives it back to you, where it belongs. And that's good, cause changing how you think is much easier than changing some other person's behavior.
If you want to learn more about how to change the way you feel by changing your thoughts, there is
this little thingy I wrote, and the serious recommendation is the book
Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks. There are 22 methods in there to help you feel better regardless of your situation
And, like I said,
The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.
Lots of love,
Rose.