[The Cloud]

I'm not sure if this is the kind of answer you were looking for from your post, but it seems to me that you're too externally focused. You're looking for outside people and events to dictate your own worth to you, such as when you demonstrate your admittedly impressive math skills to get attention, or when you work out so that you can avoid becoming unhealthy despite the fact that it could happen anyways in a way that is completely out of your control. Your self-worth doesn't appear to be defined in terms of yourself. Just something to think on. Oh, and if you like good literature (incidentally, literature that further explores the point that I am trying to make), I would recommend Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead." Even if you find the philosophy behind it unappealing, in my opinion it is extraordinarily well-written and your skills could only improve from its example.