The little gremlin! As long as you believe him, he lives. He does not want to die. So he sits on your shoulder like a tiny, ugly, twisted used car salesman from hell, whispering in your ear, convincing you to buy his old wreck idea that you are worthless, unloveable, nothing.
The little gremlin is your old pain. At some point in your past, something happened, and you made a decision about yourself that "you write mental masturbation" sprang from. The real decision you made about yourself sounds more like a life sentence, something that sounds very final and true, and the mental masturbation is only a symptom of it.
It's helpful to look for what that decision was, because seeing it in the bright light of awareness dissipates its power over you. And in the meanwhile, when you hear that little oily gremlin trying to get his hooks into you, tell him, "thanks, little gremlin!" and flick him off your shoulder and watch him tumble and roll, frantically trying to maintain his dignity. The little gremlin hates to be laughed at because it kills him a little. The more you practice acknowledging & dismissing him, the weaker his hold on you.
I love your blog, by the way!
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