Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - SO not accepting responsibility for her life

PennyD · 02-08-2008, 09:26 PM

If ever I am in a situation and I become aware that someone is feeling negative about a situation, ie bike being locked situation, and they are blaming others and I become aware that I would have processed the situation differently but yet would quite like to help them to 'feel' more positive about the situation, knowing full well they may not want this help nor is it my responsibility, yet still feel like I want to offer them a little thought that may make them feel a bit better..

I might say gently.. 'oh I hate it when people do things like that but I suppose on the bright side you still have your bike!' and then offer to help by going to get the spare key or might make a joke about how they obviously were not meant to cycle today... lol..

I guess this can be annoying for them when I say things like this but no one yet has brought it up as a problem and so I have to assume everyone who knows me knows that this sort of gratitude statement will come out of my mouth. I always try and validate their feelings first then gently offer a more positive way of feeling instead..

Another statement I might make is..
'I am just happy that you don't have to go to all the effort of reporting your bike stolen and then having to buy another one, I wouldn't want you to have to go to all that trouble, that wouldn't be fun!'

I then would leave the person alone to deal with the emotions of the situation however they chose. I would accept their behaviour around it.

In my heart I feel that 100% responsibility is quite an advanced way of living your life and with myself and with others I try and be as gentle and accepting as possible that sometimes the negative blame game can still run some of our emotional worlds.. I know first hand as someone who has been practicing manifestation and positive attitude for over ten years now that the blame game is very seductive and often entrenched in many of our Society's way of thinking and that to break away from this mind set and to live an empowered life is still very new to many of us and still takes time to break from as well as commitment to personal growth and self awareness and personal strength to make the mental decision to be positive when the negative path seems on the surface to be so much easier..

I guess I still love deeply those who blame others… just as I love myself when this occurs..

I think your girlfriend sounds quite lovely... (I am very competitive too but all my friends know this because I tell them and I don’t think they mind it... although I don't really allow myself to get into situations where this is triggered too much, because I can get nasty, and if I ever compete with my partner then I would be very careful that the situation did not turn bad... lol.. ) And you know what I have thought about working on my 'competitiveness' but actually do not want to.. I like having this personality trait.. somehow it reminds me that I am a feisty and flawed... I like it.. however I may look at it more in the future is it creates problems..

I guess what I am trying to say is be gently on your girlfriend.. she may not even be aware that there is another way of thinking? Maybe bring the whole philosophy up with her at some time when you are both relaxed and talking and ask her what she thinks?

02-08-2008, 09:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
PennyD Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Wellington New Zealand Posts: 32	If ever I am in a situation and I become aware that someone is feeling negative about a situation, ie bike being locked situation, and they are blaming others and I become aware that I would have processed the situation differently but yet would quite like to help them to 'feel' more positive about the situation, knowing full well they may not want this help nor is it my responsibility, yet still feel like I want to offer them a little thought that may make them feel a bit better.. I might say gently.. 'oh I hate it when people do things like that but I suppose on the bright side you still have your bike!' and then offer to help by going to get the spare key or might make a joke about how they obviously were not meant to cycle today... lol.. I guess this can be annoying for them when I say things like this but no one yet has brought it up as a problem and so I have to assume everyone who knows me knows that this sort of gratitude statement will come out of my mouth. I always try and validate their feelings first then gently offer a more positive way of feeling instead.. Another statement I might make is.. 'I am just happy that you don't have to go to all the effort of reporting your bike stolen and then having to buy another one, I wouldn't want you to have to go to all that trouble, that wouldn't be fun!' I then would leave the person alone to deal with the emotions of the situation however they chose. I would accept their behaviour around it. In my heart I feel that 100% responsibility is quite an advanced way of living your life and with myself and with others I try and be as gentle and accepting as possible that sometimes the negative blame game can still run some of our emotional worlds.. I know first hand as someone who has been practicing manifestation and positive attitude for over ten years now that the blame game is very seductive and often entrenched in many of our Society's way of thinking and that to break away from this mind set and to live an empowered life is still very new to many of us and still takes time to break from as well as commitment to personal growth and self awareness and personal strength to make the mental decision to be positive when the negative path seems on the surface to be so much easier.. I guess I still love deeply those who blame others… just as I love myself when this occurs.. I think your girlfriend sounds quite lovely... (I am very competitive too but all my friends know this because I tell them and I don’t think they mind it... although I don't really allow myself to get into situations where this is triggered too much, because I can get nasty, and if I ever compete with my partner then I would be very careful that the situation did not turn bad... lol.. ) And you know what I have thought about working on my 'competitiveness' but actually do not want to.. I like having this personality trait.. somehow it reminds me that I am a feisty and flawed... I like it.. however I may look at it more in the future is it creates problems.. I guess what I am trying to say is be gently on your girlfriend.. she may not even be aware that there is another way of thinking? Maybe bring the whole philosophy up with her at some time when you are both relaxed and talking and ask her what she thinks?