Quote:
Originally Posted by ralphb 
There has been a lot of talk in this forum about taking 100% responsibility. It seems that my girlfriend is not entirely aware of the advantages of this approach to life, but I am (to some extent), and that worries me a bit.
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It almost sounds like you are trying to take on her stuff as your responsibility. Or expecting her to be a certain way - more like you. You have judgments about her.
It also is a dynamic between you. You have a part in it and that is the part to look at. Her behavior also has some sort of dance on your side that you do. If you can find that part and change your part, maybe she will figure out she doesn't have to keep acting how she does.
I don't know how well it would go to tell someone you think they should to take 100% responsibility for their actions/behavior. That makes for a parent/child type interaction. Maybe just help her notice what she is doing by commenting. Like if she gets pissed at someone who locked her bike, you could state what it is she is doing. "Looks like you are pissed at the person who locked up your bike for you". Try to really understand her and if she can talk it out she might realize that she doesn't need to have a reaction like she did. You might be able to slip in something like, "that's too bad you are pissed" - "that is an inconvenience isn't it?". But don't come across, like you said, as you think you have a better way to deal with it - that's taking on some of her responsibility or trying to make her be more like you.
She has her own path and you can be a witness and help her observe her behavior. You can't change her. Only she can do that. You can stop your side of a dynamic and she may figure out that her side doesn't have the corresponding mirror to play it out with. She will either escalate until you react, or give up noticing she's dancing a lone, or escalate until she realizes there's no need for all that.