Ralphb, 100% responsibility, as I see it, is accepting reality (and people) exactly as they are and exactly as they are not, and boldly looking at who you are being that they occur for you the way they do. If you are requiring your girlfriend to take 100% responsibility, you are not taking 100% responsibility, because you are not accepting her exactly as she is and exactly as she isn't, and you're not looking at what you're being, you are focused on what she is being (and what you think she *should* be being.) That's a mouthful, isn't it, but you know what I mean, don't you?
Accepting someone exactly as she is and exactly as she is not means you give her the space of freedom, without which there is no love. No wonder she got defensive, yes? when you are demanding that she be other than what she is. That does not mean you condone her being mean to you, by the way. You can certainly stand for respect and courtesy in your relationship, and I would if I were you. And it sure doesn't mean you have to honor her *shoulding* you (that whole "you should tell her when she's being unreasonable, harshly" thing). You can say "no, thanks" to that if you're not willing. You are not her parent.
Here's a good example: you think she should be a good loser in board games, and she's not a good loser in board games. Telling her she should be a good loser is not going to make her a good loser, Ralph! You know that. It only irritates her only further, I'll bet. What if you look boldly at who you are being when you play board games. Aggressive for sure, yes? Very competitive? Can you imagine that leaves HER feeling aggressive and competitive, too? Frustrated and angry, maybe? So you two are mirroring each other, and maybe she started playing this game with a more friendly, light-hearted view. Again, that's not to say you can't play aggressively and competitively, but maybe that would work better if you played that way with someone else! Why require her to play the same "game" you're playing? That's no fun for either of you.
Most importantly, of course, is that you can't really claim 100% responsibility about living a life you love if you're not being straight with the woman you love. Right now you're being withholding and resentful, and I'll bet you can think of a more inspiring way of being in generating love, affinity, and closeness with Brunhilda. You can see that being withholding and resentful are costing you a fortune right now, right? And they're costing Brunhilda, too. My guess is that there are other areas of your life where you're being withholding and resentful, is that true?
Why not generate an entirely new way of being around this, and build a loving, long-term mutually beneficial relationship with this woman whom you're clearly crazy about? You can do it all by yourself, without requiring her to do anything; you have the power. And if you don't want to do that, let her go with love; but I still recommend generating an inspiring way of being even if you break up, because you will feel good if you do.
What do you think?
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