Quote:
Originally Posted by ralphb  We've touched on the second issue when I've felt treated unfairly, and confronted her with it. In those cases she does see my point of view, but is fundamentally defensive, and does (IMO) not fully accept responsibility for the hurt she has caused. In other words, her response is "I'm sorry that I took it out on you, it was not your fault, but that is just how I react in those situations". |
Ralph, I don't know about your girlfriend, she's not here talking to us. What I see is that you are confusing something about responsibility. (I really feel like a b*tch sometimes, first nagging at Statikkk, now at you...
)
Taking responsibility does NOT mean that you take responsibility for
other people's feelings. Only for your own. There is no hurt
of yours she should take responsibility for, because there is no hurt she has caused in the first place.
You choose to feel hurt. It is
your responsibility.
What I find very useful is the reminder:
"100% responsibility for my own stuff, 0% responsibility for other people's stuff". I know that may sound very harsh for some people, but adopting this mindset is extremely empowering.
Imagine she takes responsibility for your feelings, that would mean she has power over them. But she has not! You're trying to put the burden of your feelings on her shoulders, that's not fair.
If she accepts that she "just reacts like this in those situations", that's her decision, and she has the right to do that. Now it's your responsibility to decide whether you want such a situation or not. And your pain is yours to take responsibility for too.
I don't know if that was understandable?