Quote:
Originally Posted by geekchic9  I seriously doubt a lot of people would say having ADHD, bipolar disorder, and PTSD, plus making a salary below the poverty level is somehow a good thing. Please explain how this can be good, or how can I throw away the duality when I see others living more prosperous, emotionally healthier lives every day. |
Hi there,
I'm aware that I'm new, and so I haven't read many of your posts. Forgive me if I tread on your toes. I understand a lot of what you're saying and I think I have the same problem - you're beating yourself up for being in the situation you're in. I spent years living with depression and anorexia so bad I almost lost my life to it. I know it's very tough, when you look at other people and see them "doing much better than you are" and you want to criticise yourself and punish yourself for it. Up until recently, I did the same to myself.
You've already mentioned that the majority of people with the issues you've got (bipolar, ADHD), aren't able to work at all. So first of all, congratulate yourself for having been able to work. That's a first step. OK, so you're not a CEO or rolling around in masses of money and abundance all the time, but you've already progressed to a point where you're able to hold down a job despite the problems you've experienced in your life.
Right now, I guess you're doing what I've done in the past - looking at where you are now and thinking that's all you can be and do. All I can do is offer my story. I grew up with similar experiences to you, I'd guess, and for a long time, they destroyed my life. I was put on medication and told I could never live without it. For a long time, I completely bought into that idea. Then, one day, I made a different choice. I was sick of the side-effects, the limitation, the misery of it all. So I decided to get better. It's taken me five years. During that time I've done below the poverty-line jobs while completing a PhD, struggled with the emotional effects of rape and all kinds of things. I'm not saying here that I'm a great person, because I'm not much different to you. I have a friend with bipolar who's taking lithium, and she's now working on her PhD in philosophy at a major American grad school. I think it's about relaxing with yourself, accepting yourself as you are now rather than seeing all the things around you as fundamental flaws with which you have to battle to get the most out of life.
This weekend I was going through some really negative thinking about my life. Beating myself up because I don't have the deal yet, because I'm not in a relationship. Then I realised what I did have in my life, how far I'd come, how much I'd done. I used the Sedona Method, which I think somebody has already recommended. It takes a little while to get used to releasing, but it can be so effective. Rather than seeing everything going wrong, or being on the verge of disaster, I started to acknowledge what I had done. I know it must be very frustrating at times, but be gentle with yourself. Acknowledge and reward yourself for every positive step you make, no matter how small. It helps you see things in a different light. I hope this helps. J x