Quote:
Originally Posted by Angela  Right. The difference is, is my goal to *get* a mate, or is it to *be* a mate? If I am focused on *getting*, that sets me up for frustration and dissatisfaction, whether I'm doing those things or sitting around stewing about why I haven't *gotten* mate yet. If I am focused on *being*, then whether or not I am taking action, whether or not my perfect match is actually there, I am satisfied and fulfilled -- joyful and free.
The potential matches that are attracted to a frustrated and dissatisfied person are quite a bit different that the ones that are attracted to someone who is satisfied, fulfilled, joyful and free.
oh, p.s., cdn..last night we went to a theatre called the "Ruskin" and I thought of you! |
Getting a mate or being a mate still requires another person (or more than one, if that's your thing) to be in the picture. And that, regardless of one's intentions, will require some action to go out and meet someone. They may approach you, but you still have to take 100% responsibility (sound familiar?
)and get out of the house.
That's Ruskin's point. "The only consequence is what we do." It takes action. It takes effort. It takes some risk. And it may or may not work out. But "being satisfied, fulfilled, joyful and free" while sitting at home alone won't magically cause someone to appear on your front doorstep with a bouquet of roses or a box of chocolates or a BMW K1200GT (which would be my choice!
Keep the flowers and the sugar... give me that motorcycle!).
I think we might be mixing our semantics up a bit here, though. "Being" is something that can be modified pretty much on one's own, and there's a lot to be said for doing that sort of internal work to be the best one can be. "Being a mate" is another paradigm entirely because it requires the presence of at least one other person. And getting in contact with that other person will require action.
All that said - and I may be starting to hijack my own thread here - it's clear that the best present you can give to your partner and to your relationship is a healthy, happy, well-adjusted self. And I think that's what you may be referring to, Angela, in discussing "being."