Please excuse me if I ramble, I am in the process of sorting out a few weeks of introspection
. A lot of what I am going to say is more for me than anything, but I value feedback and accountability very much
.
With everything that's happening in my life right now, I've been feeling kind of off-center, uncertain and without direction. I'm in a state of emotional overload, and it isn't the best feeling. I've come to the conclusion that a big part of the problem I am having right now is that I've lost sight of my values and goals to the point where I don't even know what I value any more. I don't know where I am headed. I don't know who I am. I am sad that my relationship has ended, but I think it's brought into focus the fact that I was relying on having a partner to make me feel ok, when I would be better served by looking deeply at what has been holding me back and working to correct it. It seems obvious to me now that a relationship with someone who doesn't understand themself would be quite difficult indeed. I let myself get comfortable with pretending everything was ok, and the result was that it all came crashing down around me. This is not to say that I don't love my ex or that I feel the relationship was a sham or a mistake, in fact quite the opposite. The relationship was good for me. It was the one thing I knew I wanted, but I essentially gave up responsibility for myself by escaping into it. I do wish I had noticed this and many other things sooner so that I perhaps could have prevented this ending, but I am going to take this opportunity to create a new me: 100% responsible, focused, conscious and striving for the best for myself and those around me.
In light of these observations, I am beginning a new journey. The path is not carved out fully yet, but the basis of my plan is to discover what I value and begin to live according to those values; to stop abdicating responsiblity for myself to other people; to consciously become the person I thought I was.
This thread is meant to be a journal of sorts, a place to talk about my progress and get advice and encouragement.
My first order of business is to look at some of Steve's articles and blog entries that I feel will help guide me as I get started. For anyone who wants to follow along or who is interested in a new beginning for themselves, here's what I am starting out with:
List of Values Living Your Values Living Your Values, Part II
There are a wealth of entries that I am sure would be invaluable to me as I go along. I am starting here because, as I said, I am not really sure what's most important to me right now and I want to get a focus in order to move foward.
I am really open to suggestions of things to read or try as I get started. This is fresh in my mind and I am feeling motivated so I wanted to post. As time goes on, I plan to share what I am up to and you will hopefully see some progress.
Here's to a new beginning.