Quote:
Originally Posted by laur_454  Angela, how would you suggest I do it? |
Well, the first thing I would suggest is taking 100% responsibility for living a life you love, and in particular, 100% responsibility for your well-being. Right now, it seems, his well-being is a higher priority for you than your own. We women have been socialized to believe that's a
good thing, but that is crapolala. Each of us, man or woman, is responsible first and foremost to our own well-being. My guess is that your mom put your dad's well-being as a higher priority than her own, or even her kids, right? This is terrible for healthy balance in a family.
Next, from a base of 100% responsibility, take a bold look at who you are being in this relationship. Look at how and why you have been allowing someone to yell at you for six months, how you've convinced yourself that's okay. Something really struck me in your OP: your apologizing for his abuse by insisting that
he doesn't really mean it. Let me assure you, sister,
if he said it, he meant it. Even if he apologized afterwards, that does not make the intention behind his words disappear. When people say, "oh, I didn't really mean it" that is more big crapolala. Unless that person has Alzheimers, there is something very real and intentive (I think I just made that word up) about every word that comes out of our mouths. We may later regret what we say, but in the moment we speak, we are speaking something into the world. You can't just apologize it way; once spoken, hurtful words must be dealt with dynamically.
So, in looking boldly at who you've been being and what you've been enabling, can you see a new way of being that might work better? I can't tell you what that way of being is; it must be born of your own inspiration. Call on your future unborn children and ask them how they'd like to be cared for, and then care for yourself that way as practice for them. Then see what inspired action arises for you.
You owe it to yourself and your future family to stand up yourself now. You do not deserve abuse, and there is no justification for it that is worth your well-being.
Lots of love,
Angela
(phew! that was quite a novella!)
(zippideedoodah)