This is a very hard point. You want to ease somebody's suffering, and you know what has eased your own suffering, so you begin to feel, if only they would do what you have done, that would solve their problems. And maybe it's even true, though less often, I suspect, than we think.
The question is, how did you bridge the desire to help her into the need to convince her?
What we often forget is no aspect of our growth experience is a binary state, and we're just waiting for others to click in. Growth occurs in all directions and in many dimensions, which means that each of us is underdeveloped in our own unique ways. And what we so easily see as simple decisions are really steps in a staircase, and it's real easy to get stuck in front of that creaky step that looks like it's about to collapse.
It's important to understand that no step in development can be left out. And most of us aren't equipped to know what another person needs next. It is my opinion that the best thing we can do to help somebody is to help them begin to search for their next step, rather than to persuade them to our last step.
|