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Bliss Sage · 01-28-2008, 10:20 AM

Just now I did something I did not want to do and I regret it, more for the fact that I gave in to my dictatorial brother than for the potential unpleasant consequences of what I did. It was a small thing, I had applied for a visa and sent the application by Fedex last week. My brother has been telling me to call the embassy to which I sent it to 1. ask if they had gotten it, which we all know they did, because it was Fedex and 2. to harrass the man there to send me the visa--although this was phrased as "ask him when we'll get it back". I really did not want to harrass the man, because of the situation I have, which I won't go into, suffice it to say, I think the man has been doing and has done me some favors and to call him up immediately after sending the application just seems nasty and pushing my luck. My brother is ruthless, however, and while I managed to get through Friday without harrassing the man at the embassy by lying to my brother and saying that no one answered the phone when I called them (I only let it ring 3 or 4 times), today I just called and now I feel guilty and worried that my good relations with the man at the embassy have been jeopardized because I did what my brother wanted me to do.

The alternative was to tell my brother I don't want to call or that I'm not going to. This would probably have started another fight with him, which could conceivably have ended in my leaving his house in anger to go to the streets and not come back, no matter what I was facing.

Now I wonder if I should have undergone the fight. I am so angry that I did what he wanted me to do again and that I, of course, am the one who has to suffer the consequences. When you feel forced to do something against your will, it feels like a form of rape and that feeling is so enraging that you end up wishing for the death of the rapist and imaging them going to what would be their own personal hell, where they live in a state of perpetually being raped by someone even more dictatorial and intimidating then they are!

It was so stupid for me to have called that man and now I am just pissed off and sickened at myself for having let myself be raped...again.

P.S. Hmmm...my brother doesn't know that I didn't call the embassy yet. Maybe I won't tell him and I will tell him that I don't want to call the embassy...

01-28-2008, 10:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bliss Sage Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: NYC Posts: 405	Do what you don't want or start a fight? Just now I did something I did not want to do and I regret it, more for the fact that I gave in to my dictatorial brother than for the potential unpleasant consequences of what I did. It was a small thing, I had applied for a visa and sent the application by Fedex last week. My brother has been telling me to call the embassy to which I sent it to 1. ask if they had gotten it, which we all know they did, because it was Fedex and 2. to harrass the man there to send me the visa--although this was phrased as "ask him when we'll get it back". I *really* did not want to harrass the man, because of the situation I have, which I won't go into, suffice it to say, I think the man has been doing and has done me some favors and to call him up immediately after sending the application just seems nasty and pushing my luck. My brother is ruthless, however, and while I managed to get through Friday without harrassing the man at the embassy by lying to my brother and saying that no one answered the phone when I called them (I only let it ring 3 or 4 times), today I just called and now I feel guilty and worried that my good relations with the man at the embassy have been jeopardized because I did what my brother wanted me to do. The alternative was to tell my brother I don't want to call or that I'm not going to. This would probably have started another fight with him, which could conceivably have ended in my leaving his house in anger to go to the streets and not come back, no matter what I was facing. Now I wonder if I should have undergone the fight. I am so angry that I did what he wanted me to do again and that I, of course, am the one who has to suffer the consequences. When you feel forced to do something against your will, it feels like a form of rape and that feeling is so enraging that you end up wishing for the death of the rapist and imaging them going to what would be their own personal hell, where they live in a state of perpetually being raped by someone even more dictatorial and intimidating then they are! It was so stupid for me to have called that man and now I am just pissed off and sickened at myself for having let myself be raped...again. P.S. Hmmm...my brother doesn't know that I didn't call the embassy yet. Maybe I won't tell him and I will tell him that I don't want to call the embassy... Last edited by Bliss Sage; 01-28-2008 at 10:26 AM.