I have been living a lie for four years. My parents think im in college and almost about to graduate this june, but that is far from the truth. I haven't been in college/my university since fall '06. I been lying to them saying i'm going to school and i leave early in the morning and basically drive around the city of LA, smoking marijuana and listening to music til its bascially time to go back home in the evening and I act like I went to school. I feel bad, horrible, terrible, miserable, want to disappear...trust me i feel BAD. I been trying though to fix the problem without telling them. I tried to get jobs, but I quit them or leave them. Tried to go to a community college so I can get some credits under my belt but I end up dropping the class or failing. sighhh. so this is a new year, i really want to be better and good. I decided I was going to go back to school and finish, since I don't know what I want to do for work (sorry mcdonalds is not going to cut it for me, i feel like i have something way more to offer)...my counselor recommended i attend a comunity college trade school and get my AA there. So i agreed and decided i'll just do graphic design, get my certificate in that, and get whatever type of job. But this has not been sitting well with me. I don't feel like this is really want I want to do, and if I start this i'm just going to end up quiting again. I mean I love art, but i'm not that artistic. I was accepted last summer into a great Film School in the city. I was trying to attend in august or september but I was into the wrong things at the time and did not attend. I try to email the Film School to apologize for being so flakey and wasting their time, but they do not try to contact me back. But I truly feel like this is where my passion belongs and this is where I will be happy, writing and producing my own films. But i'm discouraged and scared because I feel like the school is either fed up with me and my flakiness and will not return any of my emails or messages. Should I just go up to the school tomorrow and demand to be let in and get it all fixed out. I just hate to put all my eggs in this one basket then I end up messing up again. But I don't know what else to do. And this program is for a year, I think this would be perfect for me. I don't know though what to do, because then I would have to break it to my parents the news, and how will i be able to face them, when my lie has been I have been in college and about to graduate. I feel so stuck. I woke up this morning though crying thinking 'film school, the film school, that is what i should be doing, not graphic design'.
any advice for this stupid girl?
