Quote:
Originally Posted by Tobias Zimpel  Jcs, I read your reply, and it assured me that you are on your path. You are realizing a lot of your problems, and you begin to be working on them. Congrats for that!
Here's another idea: You may put a little stone into your pocket. Every time you touch that stone, you think about something you like about yourself, something you are grateful for. This is a really powerful thing to do from my experience as well as the experience of thousands of others.
What I can tell you is that you should not feel guilty for what you have done. What happend happend, and there's nothing you can do about it now. Make sure you did not deeply hurt someone (thinking of your former girlfriend right now...), and if you did, try and find out what you can do about it right now. |
If been thinking a bit on what to write. About the guilt part, I don't think I've deeply hurt anyone beside myself. Had some arguments and fights with the girl from sweden, we're past that I think.
The part that keeps bringing me down, is that she's seeing this guy she met from World of Warcraft. I know she's way to young for me, I know she's better of with the person she loves, I know having someone close by is better then long-distance... but I love her. Assuming I know what that actually is.
As far as friendship goes on the internet, that's all I have at the moment. And this girl is the only 'real' friend I got. Makes me really pissed off thinking about the fact that another guy is with her. My situation, or whatever you want to call it, right now is that; I know what I'm doing isn't healthy. It doesn't help anyone. Especially not doing anything good for my life-situation.
Been listing to the Power of Now audio book the last few days. Like the part where he says something like: "Do you have a problem right now? Not in 5 minutes from now or tomorrow but now". If I think about it, no I don't have a problem. However, 'now' I feel so goddamn jealous that everyone around me is all in love and that stuff. Maybe I'm blind to those who aren't. Fact remains that I feel very lonely at times. On the other-hand I know that even being in a relationship doesn't fill the big void I feel.
Everything went quite OK. Till she's been gone visiting him again and getting myself jealous all over again. Should I try and keep contact to a minimum or try harder to accept how things are, right now? Both?
Currently working 3 days a week. Which is enough to pay for everything at the moment. Turned down a full-time job which would have increased traveling time to about ~2 hours everyday. If there's one thing I can't stand then it's waiting for the train. Had quite a lot of opportunities for extra work though, been asked try and set-up a workshop, clothing company website development. Turning it all down. Today alone I slept 12 hours and still feel terribly tired. Even now, working 3 days a week I feel like being short on time.
I don't really 'like' the work I'm doing right now. But it's sure as hell better then I can wish for. They know all the stuff that's going on and I keep my pay when **** hits the fan and I take a week off.
Really need to focus more on the *now*, get my **** together and forget about the little sticky situation I get in with girls.
Hope anyone can still make sense of it all
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