Originally Posted by colonel
sorry, but you've completely missed the meaning of what I wrote. I guess you had good intentions and just skipped over my post... so nevermind.
"Leaving this life" was just a nice way of saying "killing myself"... I highly doubt anyone will get over such a thing quite soon. And also it's not about me being depressed not being the person I want to be etc. I know that I can change and achieve the stuff I want to achieve... But I don't want to, that's the whole point.
Colonel, I really missed that. Hm... I just read your post again. Suicide is so out of my scope of possible solutions that I simply didn't thought about that.
I believe in reincarnation and that stuff (Basically the way Erin does), so I know that suicide does not free me from any responsibility for myself or others, but only makes it harder to fulfil this responsibility without a body to act through. But I don't expect you to share this mindset. If you want to explore, Erin has written a blog post about The Spiritual Consequences of Suicide
I am glad that you found so much help here in the forum as well as from Eckhard Tolle (who is a great man BTW).
My Impression is that your life has no meaning to you, and it feels absolutely pointless. I won't compare myself to you, bit I remember times when I felt like all that was in for me was having a boring job to pay the bills, and hope that my life would not be a long one. I thought I still knew what I wanted to do, but I couldn't imagine that even that would make me happy. I thought a lot about suicide in these times, but never as a real possibility, more in the style of "Wouldn't it be nice if I could end this life somehow without consequences?" - but there would have been consequences for me as well as or others if I had done it.
I lost most of what I thought were my friends at this time (were they really?), and couldn't relate to those who stayed with me, because they completely missed the point of my problems.
I don't really know what to write that could be of help to you, except for telling you that your life can become a happy one if you allow it, and if you don't give up. But I know you won't.
All the best!