[norbert]

Dear Kirikat,

I'd like to give you the advice I am giving now myself as well. I am a big fan of all the personal development stuff, I'm very much into audiobooks, meditation and basically everything else available, but the person who does all that now is who you are today. What if you started doing different things and thus becoming a different person? I'm not saying to stop personal development (I would never suggest that) but what if you spent 80% of this time on something else you normally wouldn't do?

I know, I know, you "only" want to break free but all you do is giving more attention to your pain. What if you focused on other (positive) things? I'm not saying to think positively but to focus on the positive, the main difference being that focusing on the positive acknowledges that there's negative and you don't feel like deluding yourself. Try and accept the situation (you don't need to embrace it) and don't spend your life thinking about it. You see, there's your 8 year old and there's no guarantee for the number of years you can spend together, or simply focus on him/her.

Also, try being more in the present and less in the past/future. The way to do it is to quiet your mind (be the observer vs the observed).

I hope this makes sense and wish you all the best.