bah..whatever I'll give it a shot. Okay so for starters this is a real step for me cause I normally make sure I solve my own problems. But since this one is inactive right now...I guess I can ask for advice and besides i'm not really getting anywhere on my own.
*big sigh*
so...
*another big sigh*
lol okay enough idiocy (well maybe not completly
) , right onto the 'story'. Right as you can guess this is about a girl ( I am so ASHAMED). Okay so to put it bluntly I met this girl after a long time (since my childhood actually) and by met I mean talked...because I see her occasionally. This was about erm...8 months ago? Anyways fairly normal conversation...smalltalk and all that.
oh and its important to note that this girl is my first cousin once removed
I started meeting this girl a number of times from then on and sometimes she talks nonchalantly, sometimes she has this deep expression and seems to want to tell me something, other times she just ignores me and then other times she 'apparently' ignores me and then starts looking at me when she thinks I'm not seeing her (pay attention that the main issue!)
anyways so I get emotionally attached...and its freaky cause we're sort of related. So...no problem just avoid her. Anyways the summer passes and I'm fairly successful. I also calculate that I 'thought' she was giving me signs because I liked her and I just dismissed it at that.
Then school started: No way can you avoid her. At the beginning I felt nothing, but then she starts the staring (she still does it!). Okay- I thought just because she looks at me occasionally doesen't mean she's staring. I mean hell I look at everyone once in a while and maybe I space out and they think I'm staring at them- no biggie.
But what am I supposed to think when she's in front of me and she turns her head specifically at my direction and looks at me for 15 seconds at a time (I pretend to look the other way because if I turn in her direction she'll realize it and she immediately looks the other way again)
So hmm...maybe she does like me. Okay I'll talk to her and see how she reacts. But again: nothing concrete. Sometimes there's a sign; sometimes there isn't, very hard to tell. Anyways she always seems to look at me from afar but persistently acts normal when I make contact with her. Okay...so then I think. HEY what if she thinks that I like her? This worries me a bit because at this point I really do start to like her obsessively- and I mean obsessively to the point where I think about her almost every hour through the day and start dreaming about her during the night my thoughts at that point was "--freaky--again she's related to me!!! WTH how could I think that she likes me????" and then I become a bit frustrated. 'maybe she thinks I'm wierd...she thinks I'm the one with the feelings for her and she's probably sorry for me" this is my worst fear...because I am a proud person (I don't look it) and pity is my worst enemy.
So I am adamant to ignore her but she still LOOKS at me and I mean LOOKS...for long periods of time from different angles. I just can't be imagining it at this point! Because every time I say 'hey I 'm imagining it' I look to my side and then the answer comes 'yup she's still looking' . Then I start thinking : "okay so I'm definitly not imagining it, so if she thinks that I like her and she's staring at me, does that mean she likes me back?'
Before I continue I must point out that I'm not exagerrating these long periods of staring, I've checked and checked and checked for months and during a class she obsessively looks at me whenever she's not writing.
Then I realize that she couldn't possibly think that I like her because I've never given concrete signs that i liked her (i always made sure I didn't)
Then suddenly...she stopped looking (at this point I was extremely obsessive but still didn't show it)
She stopped completely. Maybe she did think that I liked her and now realized that I didn't so she stopped. Or maybe she lost interest. or maybe she gave up. It drove me crazy!! I was so used to her looking that I didn't want it to end there.
Anyways after a week she started staring again...remember I haven't even talked or made any sign towards her so apparently there's some other force taking control.
I was sick to the stomach of this situation so I decided 'hey why am I doing all the work? Let's see how she reacts when I look at HER'
So that's what I do: I look at her the way she looks at me. Out of the corner of my eye and for long periods of time.
she looks back and then I look away, I look and she looks away - REAL AWKWARD. I did this for about a week and she started making hints towards me. Still though- nothing concrete and my pride was really suffering because she was now thinking she had the upper hand. No way was I going to accept that. So I start ignoring her again aaandd she starts looking again. Back to normal. Xmas break comes up and I send her email messages and mobile phone message, the type you send to everyone you know: "happy new year". nothing intimate just the things I send to everyone. She doesen't respond (one of the few).
so okay now I KNOW she doesen't like me. that's it- problem solved (hah so I thought) anyways xmas passed and she gave me no signs to arouse my suspicions (even though I barely saw her). The only signs I could've got was that a private caller called twice and hung up when I said hello on new year's eve. But to assume it was her would be too presumtious so I let it go.
Anyways the new year starts and I think that things are finally going to start to be normal (i'm no longer obsessed on her at this point), but then she starts staring again...and it has been going on since
but this time I feel nothing owards her and I don't really give a crap if she's staring or not.
There is no way she likes me. because we're related, she is happily in a long-term relationship with this guy and I'm not that interesting to begin with. So I'm here to know 'what you're suppsoed to think when someone stares at you obsessively?'
Thanks in advance.
(woah that was long: hey what the hell were you expecting? this thing has been going on for MONTHS. I'm trying to gain a new perspective because I think I was too fixiated on the same one. Again I'm not exaggerating about the looking. I checked and checked and checked and checked and checked again lol without her realizing it of course. and before you say it: YES i'm perfectly sure she didn't realize I was checking)
anyways I doubt ANYONE will bother to read this...and I really really hope she's not on these forums because its real obvious who I am...I think