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Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy  Other people seem SO much better at social things. I learned a lot about body language a bit back and I pick up on things that others tend to not see. |
Your delusion here is that you're more perceptive than everyone else. Lots of people notice subtle things. You don't talk about them out loud so people don't know you notice them... just as they don't talk about them out loud so you don't know they notice them. Plus a lot of people (especially women) notice this stuff subconsciously. They can tell you "that guy was closed off emotionally" without being able to articulate that it was because his arms were crossed.
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Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy As to the "Be the change..."
- Yeah but at the same time doesn't that leave you open to problems? I mean I could have rose colored glasses but then I would get worked over by the cold, hard, world we live in. |
The thing is, you already have on some 'rose colored glasses' (as does everyone, unless you're "enlightened" or something). Yours are leaning more towards bluish-grey colored glasses though. A wise teacher taught me this equation: (Unconditional Love) - (Putting up with Crap) = Happy. Sometimes you have to unconditionally love someone in harsh ways, or just disconnect completely and love from afar. But if you have to have on some kind of lens (you do), you might as well choose to view through the happy-colored ones.
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Originally Posted by The Flannel Guy So what do you mean? Just be relaxed and calm all the time? I don't think I have EVER been that.
But as far as being "really friendly and nice" I just dont see that happening.
Anyway, I know that there is probably another way to be than how I am, but I dont see it. And the other ways I do see dont seem practical. I could stand to be more "chill", but I've never been like that. And nobody can really change their personality. You can change the other things about yourself, but not your personality. So I've been told... |
First, I completely disagree that you can't change your personality. At one phase of my life, I was that kid that dressed all in black, thought of the world as "me against everyone else", put black eyeliner around my eyes and tried to look scary to "impress" people in a twisted sort of way.
Now, about 10 years later, my life is defined by the pursuit of Love.
It's a slow process, but what I've found useful is this tidbit: like a scientist, you have to be open to possibility. You have to test theories. Say you have this theory that *might* have some merit to it. The theory is: "If I act calm and 'chill', I will get better results socially". You have to test that out. You have to be willing to step outside your comfort zone for a while, try something new on to see if it fits. You may be surprised at the results, and the hardest part is to not let your pride get in the way of realizing your prior method of living was inferior. Because, either way, you come out better than before. Either you find a new better way to operate, or you confirm (unequivocally) that the other way that "they" are doing it is in fact inferior.