[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Vee

I do get that I have to love myself and not solely rely on the opinions of other people. But like I said before aren't we all social creatures?

I feel happy when I get attention from men, or I am having a laugh with friends or people compliment me on my clothes etc. This isn't the only thing that makes me happy - the sun makes me happy, and cats and reading a good book for example. But it's part of it.

One thing I would like you to do is separate the happiness and the current conditions. It looks like you are linking them and making one cause the other (x makes me happy). Happiness is a choice just as feeling the sun on your skin is a choice. Realizing they're not linked seems simple, but it is actually deeply profound on other levels.

The next time you feel happy, choose the conidtions and the mood:
I'm choosing to be with my cat AND I'm choosing to feel happy now.
I'm choosing to experience the rain now AND I'm choosing to feel blue.
I'm choosing to experience the rain now AND I'm choosing to feel joy.

What that does is separate the the two choices, so you know your mood is a choice and the other part of the experience is another one. What you feel is not dependent on any one thing, except your choice in the moment.

People can except you or not accept you... you can be cool with it or mad as hell. And mad as hell is what you might want to be, so go beat up a pillow or chop some wood, feel that fire and frustration to it's fullest. Yes.

And I understand that I should accept myself as I am. But isn't life about growing too, and improving? I do like myself but there are things I'd like to change.

Accept yourself as you are and go for growth, keep in mind that your current conditions are not wrong - they are as they are and you are choosing to move differently now. "Wrong" and "it shouldn't be this way" mean you're pushing away the moment, what is. It's a slippery slope. I remind myself of these things constantly.

And Fullcrum - I am affected by external circumstances. I can't deny this. I wanna be part of the world and feel and experience. Not be a passive observer. If I was I feel I wouldn't be living.

Did you mean? -- I choose my response to external circumstnces. I am not affected by them unless I choose to be. I will remember to watch myself carefully and note when I am in a reaction to something and give myself the option to change what I am doing or how I am feeling in the moment. I create this moment now.