[Zane]

i'm 17 years old and i broke up with my first love 3 months ago, she had to go abroad to study as her parents willing. The time she'll stay there is estimated as 6 years (she's now learning high school in Melbourne), and i've never been so sure for our relation. Then, after 3 weeks since she went away, i broke up with her, but we intended to be best friends, she got new guy, who has responsibility for taking care of her, which i can't do anymore. And whenever i talk to her, i just get sadness, she shares me about her new life, new guy, new friends, how she lives there, and without me! it seems that she doesn't care about me anymore, though we are friends, and i just share her as much as i can! i give her advices, i encourage her when she's lonely, i do everything i can! but i feel that she doesn't try to help me with my troubles, when i said to her " i don't know why, but i think you can't share me." and she said: " really? i don't know, i've got new life". She's a kind girl, the best one i've ever met, she's so innocent!
I keep chatting with her whenever i see her online, but i never feel happy, i once decided to cut off. I thought i could forget her if i don't see her anymore, but it's not, when i did so, she was shocked badly, disappointed, i said: "i don't wanna talk to you anymore, plz get out of my life."
and in the next few days, i just got nightmare every night! i think about her, about all our memories, regret doing that to her, anyway, she treats me like a friend, she basically don't understand me, not because she wants to hurt me. So, the result is worse, and i try to keep in touch with her again, i said i'm sorry, i really didn't wanna do it.....then, we chat again, and she's no more friendly like before, she said: " i can forgive you, but our relation can't be as good as before, i've never thought u would treat me like that." she wrote on her blog that everything's her fault, but i've changed a lot, so she doesn't care about me anymore, she has her new life, she's now having a perfectly life,....
And for some reason, she says she wanna stay there forever, change her nationality into Australian, and day by day, i realize that she's becoming Australian, i mean, from now, i've lost a friend, she's no more thinking about what happened in her life before being in Australia, she refuses her past. And, she does something that shows she's not as deep as she was, she follows the new life's style....i try to get rid of her, but i can't.