[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Well, I've gotten the call. And it's not happy news for me at least. He has no plans to try to work things out. I am happy for him in that he intends to work out some things for himself and stand on his own two feet. He wants to work on his anger. He claims he was just bringing me down and while he's very sorry he can't be in a relationship now. He said not to ever think he doesn't miss me. He said I was the only person who ever loved him and believed in him and that I should find someone better for me. I don't even know why I am writing all this now. I know it's possible to care for someone yet not want to be with them. I just can't imagine not sharing my life with him. I want him to do what is best for him and this is it. That I fully support and understand, but it still sucks! I just miss him so much right now and even with our problems I just really thought we would last. I guess that's how everyone feels...nothing new...

I still know I will be okay. I still know that I want what is best for him. I love him and that doesn't change. But I guess I am just grieving right now. And wishing there was some way to make it all work out so we could still be together. I know I am just rambling. In my head I know, but my heart is broken. Before I had hope and now I have the reality of the situation. It just hurts like hell. I know he has the right idea...cutting off all contact, but to go from talking and touching someone everyday to nothing, especially when you both still love each other seems almost unbearable. I guess that sounds dramatic, but the one person who I turn to for real comfort is now unavailable to me. I am so thankful to have all of you and my local friends and my family, but it is not the same. With everything going on I feel I've lost my footing, my stability. Not just with him, but in every area. I am really not sure what to do right now. It's all uncertainty. I am sure there is some big lesson in this for me, but right now I just want to sleep until this pain is over.

Goodnight. Thanks for everything.