Dqueens,
First of all, you have my compassion. Maybe a good thing to do, to find the hurricane´s eye, is just connect with things that are good for you. Anything. Listening good music, a walk in the park...you name it. Do this little thing(s) just for doing it, letting the good vibes regenerate your emotional body. Baby steps, if you need...take your time. You need this good ground. Emerge this peaceful place in your consciousness, focus manifesting this balance, then you plan what to do next - and this is where the fun really begins, since you change your perspective about the circunstances.
I like the expression "let go your personal history". This means don´t let a determinist view of your own personality arise in your visions about the future. Fell like reborn. Hang out in other places, read new authors, do new things. Find out the things that you
really like (this, by itself, is a wonderful adventure).
Everything that happens in your life happens in you counciousness, so, circunstances are included in counciousness. Concioussness is bigger than circunstances, always.
all my best,
L