[The Cloud]

The problem that you're having is that you care about those future things. Deep down, you know that they aren't real and aren't important, that the future doesn't exist and therefore being better in the future isn't possible, but you're arbitrarily attributing future growth to be something that you must do. This causes your mind to rebel against itself, because you're trying to force it to act on something that doesn't exist and isn't important. Like a rebellious teenager, it then turns on itself, forming destructive behaviors as a reaction to being forced to do pointless future goals "for its own good."

Once you learn that the future doesn't matter, that self-improvement doesn't matter, that nothing matters but being what you are, you won't have the problem of your mind trying to cut you of at the ankles. You'll simply be what you are, and as a result you'll have peace and joy and perhaps find that the self improvement that you were so desperately pursuing in the future is actually what you want to do right now.