[loveliketheflowers]

I think I have wrote about this twice before, and here I am again, in need of some help and advice from u positive ppl on here. hopefully u can help me, please.

I was in a relationship, kind of (was not official with the labels of girlfriend/boyfriend, just was hanging out)...i know right there u want to say, well u should have known, but i didn't really. i must say it was my fault, i never should of gotten with this person just because of where i met him from (strip club) and what he told me about his life and his self (says he was kind of married to this woman for a green card but they had an open relationship). well, because of the loose strings and no definition to us, of course i was gonna get my heart stomped on. im young, way more naive at the time, and unaware. way too nice for my own good. we were on and off, i really didn't want to date him, but i kept on hanging out with him cause i had no friends really and living this lie, so of course i go to this bad situation over and over to feel somewhat happy or good. but it kept deterioating (misspell). i rented a room from his friend who was selling this house and things just got worse and worse. i always had to pay, sometimes even gave him money. still no appreciation. i cried, i fought, same thing, got worse. then xmas eve i find out his green card wife is pregnant. so she really was his wife. but i was taking his word. i know u all want to laugh in my face and say "u stupid idiot young dummy, u should have known". but like i said, whatever he told me i took as truth, cause i didnt want to be with him in the first place, we were just hanging out, no relationship. anyway when i found out that news, awareness just came rushing towards me. all the truths came to the light, i just wasn't looking close enough...a month later i found out i was pregnant but i had to get an.... just been miserable this whole time.

i mean it has been getting better, but still i go back to thinking about him and what happened and our past. just why didn't i have the sense to know not to be with him? why didn't i get away sooner? why did he want to be with me in the first place when he had another person? why me? ya know. but i know u positive "law of attraction" folks, may have some good advice for me. i just want to stop thinking about him. how to move forward. i will be starting school full time again feb 4th, so im just anxious for that so i can keep busy. but i am very possessive. i keep looking at his myspace and his friends myspace's. i been hunting for some type of hack codes so i can view something on his private myspace. i know its going to hurt me to see, but yet and still, i still keep looking and wanting to see something about me to reassure myself? i don't know what is wrong with me. kahlil gibran said that joy is sorrow, and sorrow is joy, that when u laugh u were weeping as well (not exact quotes, but i dont feel like getting the book and all)...i just want to move on and have a fast recovery and know that this guy is not it for me. although he is married and his wife is pregnant, he has not stopped his ways. i saw on his myspace he is just on to some other dumb girl.

please help me to not be so naive? please help in advice ppl, i need to hear something. i want to be happy, strong, confident, and have respect for myself again. how to move forward from the bad? how to get back on the positive frequency when i was in the negative for so long. how to not think about him again or contact him anymore or look at his myspace? why am i even doing this to myself when i know it makes me feel bad.

thank u. please help.