[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hey, everybody. I am going through a tough time right now. My boyfriend broke up with me on Sunday. I have been dealing somewhat well considering it is not what I want and even though we were going through a tough patch I wasn't expecting it. Things felt different this time despite us dealing with some of the same old issues. I've gotten excellent advice and support privately from our own lovely Angela and I don't downgrade that at all I hope by posting it wide as well. I would have done so sooner, but part of me thought that the break up wouldn't last. And still a part of me hopes it won't. Anyone who's followed my threads in the past knows we've gone through this before. Maybe that should be some kind of sign, I don't know.

I think what has hit me right now that's tough is that the other day I went to take some clothes to him and his brother who had been staying with us. We talked a little, but that ended fairly abruptly with him saying he didn't want to talk and me leaving feeling like there was more to say. I understand and respect his desire to stay away right now. Still I just got a call from his brother which felt like a knife twisting in my heart. I mentioned how the dogs are very forlorn without their men around and asked if he thought they would like to come by to see the dogs. He said he would, but that he didn't think my ex bf would be coming at all (as in ever, from the sound of it).

The thing is, I understand this and wouldn't want some kind of forced visit anyway. And I know the way he feels right now is not how he will feel forever. It's not final. But it still hurts like hell to think he can't stand to be in my presence. I am even pretty sure that it's more so he won't have to deal with the pain of the break up than that he doesn't want to see me, but still.

I love him very much regardless of whether we get back together or never see each other again. And I am willing and trying to release him with love. I am grateful for the time we did have together and for the great deal this relationship has taught me and for the path it led me down (which I am still on) toward becoming a person who takes responsibility for my life and creates a life I love.

I guess I actually already have the tools and knowledge to deal with this thanks to my time here on this forum and the generous help of Angela and others. Even if you don't take time to respond to my little rant, I appreciate any and all kind thoughts sent my way. I really just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening!