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Originally Posted by Bliss Sage  Nobody asked the fox for his advice, so the least he should do if he is going to stick his nose in others' personal pain and misfortune, even if that person deserves it for having brought it on himself, is ensure that he is giving advice which is suitable for the one who is vulnerable and whose life is at stake, the one who is going to die if he sets foot out of the water. If the fox is asked for his advice, it's different. Even in this case, however, if the fox is genuinely concerned for the well-being of the fish, he will be sure of what sort of animal he is dealing with and where that animal is so that his advice will help instead of hurt or instead of do nothing.
Understanding another person, which requires listening to them, with the desire of sincerly helping them, even when you know perfectly well they have no understanding of you or even a care for your life and probably never will, is an expression of love, as I experience love.
If you consider that the answer to every misery a person ever had or has is that it is their fault and they have to take responsibility, there is not even a need for advice or a reply, and if the person already knows this and still is lost, it just adds insult to injury. |
I'm not saying that someone's misery is their fault, but I am saying that they should assume responsibility for generating happiness in their own life. Nothing more, nothing less. It's not about blaming the victim, it's about teaching the "victim" how to cope better with life. Apparently my choice of words doesn't make that clear to you, for which I'm sorry. I'll try to do better next time.
As for my sticking my nose in other people's pains, I think it is only fair to say that people solicit having their pains nosed over by posting on these forums. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
I'm here to give honest and well intentioned advice. I'm not going to say what I think is going to make you feel better in the short term, I'll say what I feel will make you feel permanently better in the long term. I don't pretend to have all the knowledge or to understand every situation, so you are absolutely free to discard anything I say when you feel it doesn't work for you.
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And I agree with what Yossarian said.
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As do I. Except for this bit:
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Ultimately, we all do our best to help out others, and despite our best efforts, we screw it all up. That is the nature of this reality.
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No it's not. There are in fact many more things that we
don't screw up, but those things don't draw attention to themselves and thus we tend to be less aware.