When it comes to personality issues, people are ruthless in their criticism.
I could say to a person with cancer, "Can't you see? You are bringing the cancer on yourself! Stop!"
But they would just hear intolerance.
The plight of the socially anxious is similar. One does not consciously choose social friction anymore than one consciously chooses cancer.
In truth, ALL suffering in the world is caused by the self. There is no such thing as suffering being imposed on someone, whether it is disease or murder or anxiety or depression.
If you wanted, you could say to the murder victim, "Surely, you are aware that you brought this murder upon yourself? Indeed, it was entirely your own creation!" and you would be factually correct on an absolute level. However this is not a productive avenue of discussion, and will (usually) not help to lead that murder victim out of their suffering.
When someone is dealing with what could be described as a social disease, blaming the victim is just as useless as blaming the victim of murder. Every single human on this earth has various flaws - if they had no flaws they would not be here. The work is to work out these flaws. One person can see another and to them it is very obvious what the flaw is. To them, working out that flaw is as natural as walking upright. "Just stand up," says the biped. "It's easy to walk on two feet, all you do is do it! Gravity is not at fault, you are! Just do it!"
Ultimately, we all do our best to help out others, and despite our best efforts, we screw it all up. That is the nature of this reality.
Let both sides of this discussion remember: Virtue is not in the giving alone. "Giving advice" and "Receiving advice" are equal in virtue. Both are equivalent services.
|