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Originally Posted by A2K89  The friends I had in high school used to joke and say that I was anti-social, but really I just found that I had less and less things in common with them as time passed. The people who I considered to be my best friends in 9th grade, slowly became old friends/memories by my senior year. |
When I was little, before high school, I used to get teased and one of the things they always said was that I live in my own world. Unbelievably, in recent months I have been around more people than is customary for me and one who was sort of my friend used to ask me "where are you?" when I would be sitting right next to him. He said I go far away somewhere and he didn't like that.
The longer I'm alone, the more I like to be with myself and the less I want friends, or you could also say the less I want to get close to anyone personally, because the cost for being close to most people is so great, and I am only free when I'm alone, and it would have to be a very unusual person who I could stay free with. I don't want to be alone, but the alternative feels worse. Theoretically, I ought to be able to be present with others in some degree, but I have no emotional and psychological foundation to keep myself from losing myself too much with or "in" them, their problems, their lives.
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I no longer feel any tension about being different. But for example when my parents urge me to just pick a career choice and work my ass off towards it... and I can't explain why such a lifestyle doesn't suit me.. It is strange..
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I never thought I was different. Relationships with people enabled me to understand that I am a very difficult person to be in a relationship with.