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carenkh · 01-11-2008, 02:32 PM

I sure have. I was 27 when I found myself in much the same situation, except I was only friends with the father, we weren't in an exclusive relationship. I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation - I really didn't think I could be a good Mom, because of my own childhood experiences. I got my answer one morning when I looked in the mirror and heard "Mom", and got such a rush of love and acceptance.

I was also pregnant at 15, and while I didn't approach it with as much inner knowing (I didn't even know how to do that), I had an abortion, and I have no doubt that was the right decision for me at that time in my life. I have also helped a friend with her decision to abort a pregnancy - she was 33, and approached the decision with much prayer and looking inward.

I disagree with some of Erin's assertions about abortion, it sounds a little too much like a judgmental, punishing God disguised as karma - but I guess this isn't the place to discuss that.

I will say I have been forced to mature and take responsibility since having my son. (Forced because I wanted to be a better mother) And that definitely didn't happen overnight. I am a really, really good Mom, but getting there has required much work, looking within and healing. I practiced Attachment Parenting, which definitely facilitated that healing.

I was also assured by many people that they would be there for me if I had the baby, but the downright truth is, it comes down to me and me alone. While his Dad has been very supportive in his own ways - he always spends lots of time with our son, and has paid child support until he went through a bad patch and I had to threaten legal action - there were plenty of times I needed someone else to be there, and no one was. It's a fact of single motherhood, unless you live in an intentional community. Even then - in the middle of the night, it's you and the baby.

I love my life, and I'm in a place I definitely wouldn't have been if I hadn't had kids. The good times are better than anything I experienced before kids. Since I learned about Consensual Living and Radical Unschooling, the bad times have mostly dissipated - but before that, the bad times were really, really bad. I definitely needed help, and supportive friends around me, folks who understood where I was coming from. La Leche League gave me that connection when my son was little.

So - having my son, being a single mom, did mean I had to "give up my life", but I received a different, richer, deeper life in return.

Before I got to that place, I used to wonder if my son would have been better off if I had given him up for adoption - I had so much healing to do. Adoption is an option, as well. (Have you seen Juno? What a GREAT movie)

I believe you'll know the right thing to do in time. I also believe whichever way you choose is the right way.

01-11-2008, 02:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
carenkh Family Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Charlotte, NC Posts: 1,800	I sure have. I was 27 when I found myself in much the same situation, except I was only friends with the father, we weren't in an exclusive relationship. I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation - I really didn't think I could be a good Mom, because of my own childhood experiences. I got my answer one morning when I looked in the mirror and heard "Mom", and got such a rush of love and acceptance. I was also pregnant at 15, and while I didn't approach it with as much inner knowing (I didn't even know how to do that), I had an abortion, and I have no doubt that was the right decision for me at that time in my life. I have also helped a friend with her decision to abort a pregnancy - she was 33, and approached the decision with much prayer and looking inward. I disagree with some of Erin's assertions about abortion, it sounds a little too much like a judgmental, punishing God disguised as karma - but I guess this isn't the place to discuss that. I will say I have been forced to mature and take responsibility since having my son. (Forced because I wanted to be a better mother) And that definitely didn't happen overnight. I am a really, really good Mom, but getting there has required much work, looking within and healing. I practiced Attachment Parenting, which definitely facilitated that healing. I was also assured by many people that they would be there for me if I had the baby, but the downright truth is, it comes down to me and me alone. While his Dad has been very supportive in his own ways - he always spends lots of time with our son, and has paid child support until he went through a bad patch and I had to threaten legal action - there were plenty of times I needed someone else to be there, and no one was. It's a fact of single motherhood, unless you live in an intentional community. Even then - in the middle of the night, it's you and the baby. I love my life, and I'm in a place I definitely wouldn't have been if I hadn't had kids. The good times are better than anything I experienced before kids. Since I learned about Consensual Living and Radical Unschooling, the bad times have mostly dissipated - but before that, the bad times were really, really bad. I definitely needed help, and supportive friends around me, folks who understood where I was coming from. La Leche League gave me that connection when my son was little. So - having my son, being a single mom, did mean I had to "give up my life", but I received a different, richer, deeper life in return. Before I got to that place, I used to wonder if my son would have been better off if I had given him up for adoption - I had so much healing to do. Adoption is an option, as well. (Have you seen Juno? What a GREAT movie) I believe you'll know the right thing to do in time. I also believe whichever way you choose is the right way.