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samuelpauls · 01-11-2008, 03:36 AM

Hi Intrinsicality,

It seems like we both don't like giving up on people very easy. You've stuck with your "friend" for months now and seem to want to believe in her with all of your ability. It's a tough situation and I don't know if my suggestion will work but here it is: Perhaps it would be best to take a break from your friend for a few weeks. You have a right to be direct with her and honest about the situation as you perceive it. You could even be blunt and respectful at the same time. After all, who you associate yourself with and give your energy to is generally your business alone. Since your friend seems to like attention, even if it's fake, she will probably get mad at you for a while too if you do this, so you will need to really think taking a break over and what your reasons are; what you hope to accomplish. Here's what you can accomplish by taking a break from your friend: You will have a greater ability to think the overall relationship through and what your options are to positively impact the situation. If your friend keeps dictating how you should spend your energy (ie on her) of course you won't be able to reuse that same energy on thinking. When all is said and done, it may be time to let that person go. One approach I have used in the past when situations come to this point though is to clearly state what is uncomfortable and why to the other person and say that in order to remain friends, you really really would like it if X changes. This puts the decision to keep the relationship or not in the other person's hands so you don't have to directly end it yourself. You are a valuable person and as such you deserve who you will call your friend and what criteria must absolutely be met. Remember, not all interaction with people is healthy. Some interactions have the ability to make you feel like a small and powerless person. If that happens, what good of a friend will you be to others?

01-11-2008, 03:36 AM	#2 (permalink)
samuelpauls Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Winnipeg, Manitoba Posts: 4	Perhaps a Break? Hi Intrinsicality, It seems like we both don't like giving up on people very easy. You've stuck with your "friend" for months now and seem to want to believe in her with all of your ability. It's a tough situation and I don't know if my suggestion will work but here it is: Perhaps it would be best to take a break from your friend for a few weeks. You have a right to be direct with her and honest about the situation as you perceive it. You could even be blunt and respectful at the same time. After all, who you associate yourself with and give your energy to is generally your business alone. Since your friend seems to like attention, even if it's fake, she will probably get mad at you for a while too if you do this, so you will need to really think taking a break over and what your reasons are; what you hope to accomplish. Here's what you can accomplish by taking a break from your friend: You will have a greater ability to think the overall relationship through and what your options are to positively impact the situation. If your friend keeps dictating how you should spend your energy (ie on her) of course you won't be able to reuse that same energy on thinking. When all is said and done, it may be time to let that person go. One approach I have used in the past when situations come to this point though is to clearly state what is uncomfortable and why to the other person and say that in order to remain friends, you really really would like it if X changes. This puts the decision to keep the relationship or not in the other person's hands so you don't have to directly end it yourself. You are a valuable person and as such you deserve who you will call your friend and what criteria must absolutely be met. Remember, not all interaction with people is healthy. Some interactions have the ability to make you feel like a small and powerless person. If that happens, what good of a friend will you be to others?