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Intrinsicality · 01-10-2008, 04:24 PM

Made myself a friend about 5 months ago.
A new transfer to college.

I naturally took on the initiative to show her around school and etc. And
of course we became fast friends. Initially I believed we connected.

I believed her to be independent, loyal, genuine, very well meaning, practical, grounded and focused. Very caring and Fun too. At times almost surreal about how much time she wanted to spend with me. Going to great lengths to establish this fact - driving 2 hours from where she was or whatever.

Lately though, certain facets of her personality have become more apparent to me that disturbs me.

She's overbearing. Very controlling and possesive of my friendship with others. Is very narcissistic and all conversation largely revolves around herself. Apart from this, she seems to constantly believe that she has to keep up a facade of 'being the prettiest girl on the block, who has all the men crawling' (although she is attractive ) - the only thing is, she interprets anything and everything done by the opposite sex as some evidence of them pining for her. Even if it is a casual glance directed our way. And she feels like she has to continuously impress me with this - I couldnt frankly care even if she was butt ugly - that's not why I like her.

I really wouldnt have such a problem with this, except it has become pretty apparent to me that she orchestrates and manipulates situations and rephrases them in her mind to give off this 'most desirable' title. She gives her number away with almost little solicitation. So of course, there will be guys calling you since you gave it away. She also indirectly condescends me and even if I do get any male attention, is quick to step in and annex the conversation(in fact she annexes my conversations with pretty much everybody - by being louder or making sure that her body language is positioned in such a way that she ends up standing in front of me, one way or the other), and then end it with 'did you notice how he was staring at me??'- It's annoying. I feel like the core of our relationship has shifted to an angle that it should never have - and I'm not even aware of how all of this has initiated itself either. She has alienated my other friends. And makes it clear to them that SHE is my bestfriend.

Apart from that, I've noticed she has more male 'friends' than female, in fact I'm the only actual 'female friend' she has. Also she has this need to repetitively remind me I'm her bestfriend and finds every possible means of interjecting it into our conversation? Why does she do it so repetitvely though?

Her behaviour is also very attention seeking, and exaggerates incidents to gain sympathy or any form of attention - that just rubs me the wrong way...

I was in a foul mood a week ago, and not very communicative (largely because of the idiosyncrasies I've been noticing in her personality) and when she asked me about my foul mood, I made it clear that I just didnt feel like talking about it also, I was on the mobile phone when she thought it appropriate to repetitively ask me 'what's wrong?'. So. She reacts with haughtily walking off and with a "W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r." hanging in the air. As though, I had wronged her. The rest of the day, she went to extremes to avoid me. Hence speaking to her about this, makes me feel apprehensive - I dont think she's ready to hear what I have to say.

At this point, I'm confused as to where my loyalties should lie.
I think I shouldn't just abandon this relationship just because of what has just become apparent to me. I think perhaps I should stick it out. I've never felt comfortable being whimsical about ending any relationship.
However, I feel like she treats me secondary in public,I feel like she wants others to consider me secondary to her too... but when we're alone, she cant do with anything but my sole attention directed at her and she feels like I am obligated to let her into every facet of my Life.I have also since become a lot more withdrawn in public...and also more withdrawn from her...I've tried not to be...but now of course, there's a mental block.

Inspite of everything though, I feel like I should hold her close to me and let her know that she is loved. That she doesnt have to feel like she's competing or constantly vying for attention. Least of all from me, she seems to forget that I AM her friend?

I should add she also wants us to become roomies. (I have to move out of my place in 2 months or so anyway) I'm not sure if that's a good idea...

So. What do you think? Should I just be patient?

01-10-2008, 04:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Intrinsicality Junior Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6	Ditch an emotionally leeching friend? Made myself a friend about 5 months ago. A new transfer to college. I naturally took on the initiative to show her around school and etc. And of course we became fast friends. Initially I believed we connected. I believed her to be independent, loyal, genuine, very well meaning, practical, grounded and focused. Very caring and Fun too. At times almost surreal about how much time she wanted to spend with me. Going to great lengths to establish this fact - driving 2 hours from where she was or whatever. Lately though, certain facets of her personality have become more apparent to me that disturbs me. She's overbearing. Very controlling and possesive of my friendship with others. Is very narcissistic and all conversation largely revolves around herself. Apart from this, she seems to constantly believe that she has to keep up a facade of 'being the prettiest girl on the block, who has all the men crawling' (although she is attractive ) - the only thing is, she interprets anything and everything done by the opposite sex as some evidence of them pining for her. Even if it is a casual glance directed our way. And she feels like she has to continuously impress me with this - I couldnt frankly care even if she was butt ugly - that's not why I like her. I really wouldnt have such a problem with this, except it has become pretty apparent to me that she orchestrates and manipulates situations and rephrases them in her mind to give off this 'most desirable' title. She gives her number away with almost little solicitation. So of course, there will be guys calling you since you gave it away. She also indirectly condescends me and even if I do get any male attention, is quick to step in and annex the conversation(in fact she annexes my conversations with pretty much everybody - by being louder or making sure that her body language is positioned in such a way that she ends up standing in front of me, one way or the other), and then end it with 'did you notice how he was staring at me??'- It's annoying. I feel like the core of our relationship has shifted to an angle that it should never have - and I'm not even aware of how all of this has initiated itself either. She has alienated my other friends. And makes it clear to them that SHE is my bestfriend. Apart from that, I've noticed she has more male 'friends' than female, in fact I'm the only actual 'female friend' she has. Also she has this need to repetitively remind me I'm her bestfriend and finds every possible means of interjecting it into our conversation? Why does she do it so repetitvely though? Her behaviour is also very attention seeking, and exaggerates incidents to gain sympathy or any form of attention - that just rubs me the wrong way... I was in a foul mood a week ago, and not very communicative (largely because of the idiosyncrasies I've been noticing in her personality) and when she asked me about my foul mood, I made it clear that I just didnt feel like talking about it also, I was on the mobile phone when she thought it appropriate to repetitively ask me 'what's wrong?'. So. She reacts with haughtily walking off and with a "W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r." hanging in the air. As though, I had wronged her. The rest of the day, she went to extremes to avoid me. Hence speaking to her about this, makes me feel apprehensive - I dont think she's ready to hear what I have to say. At this point, I'm confused as to where my loyalties should lie. I think I shouldn't just abandon this relationship just because of what has just become apparent to me. I think perhaps I should stick it out. I've never felt comfortable being whimsical about ending any relationship. However, I feel like she treats me secondary in public,I feel like she wants others to consider me secondary to her too... but when we're alone, she cant do with anything but my sole attention directed at her and she feels like I am obligated to let her into every facet of my Life.I have also since become a lot more withdrawn in public...and also more withdrawn from her...I've tried not to be...but now of course, there's a mental block. Inspite of everything though, I feel like I should hold her close to me and let her know that she is loved. That she doesnt have to feel like she's competing or constantly vying for attention. Least of all from me, she seems to forget that I AM her friend? I should add she also wants us to become roomies. (I have to move out of my place in 2 months or so anyway) I'm not sure if that's a good idea... So. What do you think? Should I just be patient?