[Rosenkruez]

Sorry, this is a long post, but I have to tell this story, I need help.

At the end of July of 2007 I got a job at a well known supermarket. The only real point of getting this job was because of pressure from my Dad and a disposable income so that I can spend on myself, which was a way to alleviate the costs of my parents taking care of me, not to mention buying a car. I had gotten the job and was going to start out at $8.00 an hour. I was happy.

Finally I was finally paid on the second week of working; my first paycheck was for $125. I couldn’t wait to spend it, it was the first time I’ve ever made my own money and had it to spend. After talking about the excitement with my friends and family, asking me questions about what I was going to spend my money on, I was awakened to the fact that my Dad did not agree with me spending money at all. He told me that I should be saving every bit of income I make from that store. I was utterly and completely upset about the fact that my father was telling me what to do with my own money, I had worked hard for that money, myself, without anybodies help. After much debate, my father ultimately agreed to the fact that it was my first paycheck and I should be able to use it. That was only the first week I’ve ever made money and I’m already running into problems.

July had ended and we went into August; my Dad had run into some snags. His motorcycle was having problems and he told me that he had no way to fix it without me giving him money (the jist of it). He said he would be needing my money for about 2 weeks, I didn’t mind at all because these things happen. Those 2 weeks turned into 4 weeks of giving him my paychecks, and the only thing he ever had to say to me if I ever resistsed is: “You’re acting selfish, like Jeffrey and Jeremy, when they started working and earning money.” I never questioned him at all. My brothers are extremely selfish people, and I hated them, I didn’t want to be like them.

I opened a checking account somtime in August to be able to deposit my money into the bank and save up for a car, it was the worst thing I could ever do. I never questioned my dad when he needed my money from now on, I was upset sometimes because he was spending my money, not his own. I always held it in though, not questioning for fear that he would yell at me and compare me with Jeff and Jeremy. I received an ATM card to be able to access the money I had in my account and checks. It was the first time I’ve ever really felt like an adult.

Every week something would always come up with my Father. “I need to use your card,” became a common phrase when he came to see me at my mothers place. I questioned him sometimes, but only reluctantly and without accusation, sometimes he would react politely and tell me that it couldn’t be helped or that he was just buying some food, other times he would get angry and upset and refer to the “18 years he paid for everything I had.” I would become guilty and angry at the same time because he was right and wrong. Why should he benefit from my work, am I not entitled to the rewards of the sweat of my brow?

After this I had become extremely reluctant to deposit my checks. My dad seemed to not even guess the reason why. He became very angry when I didn’t deposit my checks, he assumed I was spending my money (“You’re supposed to be saving your money!”), it was because every time I deposited a bit of money, it was spent in someway by him.

There was one time that I remember specifically. My dad had asked me for 2 of my checks, he needed to pay for something and and that he would deposit the amount. I didn’t even question him at all. I happily signed the 2 checks and gave them to him in his hand. I looked at my account one day and $500 was gone. About a week later I asked him, “I thought you were gonna deposit the money?,” he never answered the question, he just replied: “Your going to get it back, no worries.” I still don’t have it.

There were times when my dad would have my card for weeks at a time, just spending my money, at this time I didn’t question at all where my debit card was or if I could have it back. I had given up, my dad always had some kind of reason up his sleeve about why I was being selfish with my money. Money was really starting to become an issue with me.

I finally got direct deposit with my paychecks in October, meaning that I wouldn’t have to cash my check anymore, it would go directly to my checking account. This was one of the biggest mistakes I have made, now my money was on a silver platter for him to use.

My father started coming up with this idea in November, we should move to our own place and away from our mom and idiot half-brothers. I would have some resposibilities paying bills but not too much, I still needed to save for a car. I didn’t have a problem. Like always we moved out in one day, my dad never takes his time, everything has to be done in record time with him.

Anyway, now we have a place for a month (December), and I still have no money. I remember New years day, at midnight, there was no celebration in that 1 bedroom/bathroom/kitchen (which is also the living room) studio. I knew what the new year had in store for me and I’m right so far. I got paid January 3 to only have a negative balance by the 8th. I’m writing this right now as my dad has my debit card, paying for gasoline, as he mentioned, was on empty, I know he’s going to fill it up….

And now for a concluding paragraph: I have made around $5500 with my tenure at my job (July 07 ~ December 07), as of January 08 I have nothing to show for it. I also took out a loan for college, it was a way to get my car quick since my problem with my dad (he suggested it). I received $2700, I currently have $1100. Why you ask? Because my dad has used about $1400, $1000 on helping to buy himself a car, and $400 to buy himself a couple of pairs of glasses (I used a bit because I had an emergency that needed to be taken care of). I haven’t really spent any of the $7000 I got for myself on myself at all. I’m only 19 years old, I thought I was going to be able to buy myself New sneakers or shoes and clothes and other stuff. All I really buy now is lunch for me for work, I still don’t have any shoes or new clothes or anything. And I'm further away from a car than before

This is so wrong, and it doesn’t look like it has an ending anytime soon. I would have been better off renting a 1 bedrom apartment by myself even though I've never lived on my own and barely know how to take care of myself. My Father isn't a bad guy. Never smoked, doesnt really drink, doesnt do drugs, nothing really. There should be some kind of privacy when it comes to money though, isn't there? I'm a very naive person, do I trust people too much? Am I giving him too much access to my money? Should I cut off from him?

I'm not sure where else to go, I found these forums and it looks like a good place to get advice. I don't want to ruin my relationship with my dad but this just isn't fair. It may seem like I'm venting, but its just that it bothers me a lot.

I really need advice… Please help me.