BIL = Brother in Law? Sounds like this guy felt like family to you. It makes sense that you would grieve.
If I were you, I'd stay in my own business and do my own grieving, and allow your brother the freedom to grieve and feel his pain and get through this his own way. That doesn't mean you can't be there to support him and love him and hold him in your arms, but it does mean letting go of YOUR need to "break him out of any degree of pain."
Lots of love to you,
Angela
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