Hi mlc82,
I noticed a recurring theme in your post:
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. I'm used to being misunderstood as introverts typically are, but I'm not used to not being able to read/understand someone else.
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I feel like she cannot grasp the idea of "It's nothing personal but I need my space and want to be left alone tonight". I cannot achieve this without upsetting her
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I just want HER to make sense, and to understand my point of view as well
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You don't feel like she understands where you are coming from, correct?
I have got some great advice for you, but I can't take credit for it.
You will find it ten times easier to be understood if you attempt to understand where SHE is coming from first. Don't even think about trying to make your point until you understand hers. Put aside your intense desire to be understood while you calmly listen to what she wants YOU to understand. Just think about what she says, appreciate her needs and desires and fears. Don't judge what she's saying. Tell her you understand and you can identify with her point of view.
After that, you'll see that being understood happens quite naturally and smoothly. Without anger or blame, calmly tell her what your point of view is. She'll be much more receptive to your needs, and a compromise will almost suggest itself.
This is such a powerful way to communicate. If you ever observe an argument between two people, you'll notice there is very little communication going on. Each person is just ignoring the what the other says until they get a chance to shout out their own side of it. Nobody listens, nobody understands.
Here's a link that probably explains this concept better than I have.
Seek first to understand
You have to
give the same understanding you are seeking before you can expect to receive it from her.